In some cultures, people shake hands when they meet after not seeing each other for a very long time. Or say a simple "hello". It seems to me that Malays on the other hand, whip out their most astonished expressions and exclaim (very loudly) about how much weight you've gained.

I went to Geylang and I met my entire paternal side of the family there. And all of them had the same reaction.

"Fuh, Nadiah, kusmangat. Makin tua makin naik badan." It's too depressing to even translate so I'm not even going to bother.

Now, I wouldn't mind ordinarily but the thing is, MY AUNTS AND THEIR CHILDREN ARENT KATE-MOSS-THIN EITHER. In fact, even I, in my fattest state, am still considerably smaller than they are. And prettier. And smarter. And did I mention how incredibly modest? Heh. Joke lah.

But I digress. Back to the issue at hand.

Hello makcik, at least I'm not constantly tugging my tudung over my face to cover the fact that I have a third chin. And let's not mention the fact that your daughters who are my age are twice my size and look like frazzled housewives who've already given birth to eight children. When your family poses for pictures together, you guys look like a movie poster for The Klumps or something okay.

And Cousin S may be thinner than I am but she has weird eyebrows and at certain angles, she resembles Marilyn Manson..

Do you know how Marilyn Manson looks like, makcik? Nah, tengok ni gambar ni.


HE IS A MAN TAU. AND YOUR DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE THAT.

So I may be err, fleshy/mampat/oh alright you mean people, fat. But at least I'm don't pass comments about others when I'm guilty of the same thing myself. Because this is clearly a case of the pot calling the kettle black.